The Blessing of a Great Mom, by Carrie Reeve Benuska

Today is a day to celebrate moms. Although there are no hard and fast rules about a woman being the primary caregiver, I was blessed with an extremely devoted mother. I also served as the primary caregiver for my own kids as a stay-at-home mom for 16 years. I love dads and I have met many wonderful nannies, but I truly believe that there is nothing like a great mom. A mom not only impacts her own children but has an affect on generations to come.

I could not wait to be a mom. Not even a year after our marriage, I began pestering my husband to start a family. He thought I was crazy and I was only 22 years old, but I had a calling to be a mom. The years that I spent at home with my kids were truly amazing. I loved every moment and counted it a true privilege to be able to dedicate my time to their care. My inspiration from the beginning was my own fantastic mom. Not only has she always been my #1 fan, but she helped form my inner core and the person that I have become.

My mom dedicated her entire life to raising, protecting, caring for, and nurturing my brother and me. Our home was not an easy one, and she was incredibly unhappy in her marriage to my dad. She continued to grapple with her own painful childhood, and yet still tried to respect and love her own difficult mother. My mom certainly did not do it all right, but there are some things that she did for me that set me on the right course for a successful life. There were qualities of her mothering that have helped me begin breaking the dysfunctional mold handed down from generations past. My mom had no role models and she received no support from my dad, but she obviously made a conscious choice to do things differently. I hate to boil my mom’s qualities down to a list, but I would like to highlight 3 things that my mom provided me that have inexorably changed my life:

Unconditional Love – Although human love is always imperfect, my mom loved me lavishly and unconditionally. She loved me in a way that made me feel completely accepted and uniquely special. She hugged me, kissed me, told me that she loved me daily, listened to my stories, laughed at my jokes, and let me listen to my favorite music on the car radio. My mom loved me almost too much, because it has been hard to find anyone in life who is as good at it as she is.
Stability – Our home was marked by incredible instability, with the presence of an alcoholic, depressed, and narcissistic father. Through all of the drama, though, my mom was someone who I could count on. She was up every morning before me, was dressed, and usually was preparing my breakfast. She exercised religiously every morning, she kept the house clean, she picked me up on time from activities, and she was always home when I got home from school. She certainly wasn’t spontaneous or a risk-taker, but that stability was very important to me throughout my early childhood years.
Inner Strength – My mom could not be more gentle, kind or unassuming, but she definitely has a fighter’s spirit within her. Even though she received little from her own alcoholic mother, she worked diligently in school, got in to Stanford University, and found a way to fund herself through 4 years at this incredible institution. Although she married someone similar to her own mom and had to suffer through many years in an unhappy marriage, she ultimately had the strength to leave my dad and pull us away from him before he self destructed. After her divorce, she was forced to return to work. She had a History degree and no recent work experience, so she had to work 2 jobs to support us, which allowed us to stay in our family home. My mom was a such a valued employee wherever she worked that she even made enough money to save for my wedding during those difficult years. Wow!

For those of you who think that my mom is too good to be true, in some ways you are correct. Although she is not perfect, and I have spent years in therapy making sense of my childhood experiences, I always end up back where I started – totally and completely in love with my mom.

Thank you, mom, for everything that you have done for me. You are truly one-of-a-kind!