Bringing Home the Bacon, by Carrie Reeve Benuska

Bringing Home the Bacon, by Carrie Reeve Benuska

I was a stay-at-home mom for over 16 years, and my life during that period revolved around my kids almost exclusively.  Most of my identity was wrapped up in this important job, and I did very little for myself.    Outside of their time in school or extra-curricular activities, they were with me.  I worked in their classrooms, I attended field trips, I planned birthday parties, I made their meals, I quizzed them on their spelling words, and I drove them to countless play dates and assorted activities.  When my kids were sad, I was sad.  When my kids were happy, I was happy.  Those years of child rearing were extremely busy and challenging but also represent some of the best years of my life.

At the end of my stay-at-home mom years, I found myself quite dissatisfied with my day-to-day life.  My kids were all in school, and they were becoming increasingly independent.  No longer were my trips to the grocery store also an opportunity to teach, talk, and connect with my kids.  Cleaning the house was no longer a perfect activity to perform while keeping an eye on the activities of my kids and their friends.  I was all alone and increasingly bored and frustrated with the activities of a housewife.  I knew that I needed to give my kids distance to pull away and become their own people, but this was hard for me.  I had trained myself to think about them so much, that I had trouble turning that off.  Something needed to change.

I ultimately made the decision to enter the workforce as a realtor, a job that seemed perfect for me, because I still longed to be around the house for my kids in the afternoon.  I wanted to continue to go to their games and participate in their daily lives.  Even as I studied for the real estate exam, I felt my mind coming alive.  In the days before the test, I turned up my studying to a fever pitch and found myself dreaming about the material I was memorizing.  I desperately wanted to pass the test, my first requirement for getting a job at any local real estate firm.  I followed every tip that was given me for successful test taking, pulled out all of my high school math skills, and carefully read every question on the test.  The days following the test were anxious for me, and I regularly scanned the Department of Real Estate website looking for news of the results.  When I finally saw the words “Pass” show up, I was thrilled beyond belief.  My new era as a working mom was about to begin.

Starting a new job was both exhilarating and frightening.  I still kept most of the same responsibilities at home and yet I also sought to build a real estate business in the beginning days of the real estate crisis.  I worried that my kids and husband would feel abandoned.  I wanted to make the transition seamless, almost like nothing had changed.  I aimed to keep everyone happy, satisfied, and content.  I soon realized that I was going to have to release my need to be the perfect woman.  I was going to have to let some people down in order to accomplish my goals.

I found ways to lighten my load at home by out-sourcing to others.  I gave myself grace to miss a game every once in awhile.  I started to allow my mind to focus on my business, without feeling guilty.  My kids were not always happy that things were not they way they used to be, but I was becoming increasingly happy, content, and fulfilled.  They had to learn that I was not going to be available at every moment of every day to bring them food, drop off forgotten homework, or drive them to a friend’s house, and I had to learn to not fear their disappointment.  My mind was no longer riveted to every detail of my kid’s lives, and I felt free to allow them the space to grow and develop into young adults.  Slowly but surely I became comfortable with myself as a working mom.

As I sit here today, I only have one more child in the home (she is out-of-town today, too!)  Both of my older kids are thoroughly ensconced in their college world and might not ever live at home again.  Boy am I happy that I took that real estate exam over four years ago!  The step from busy mom of three to quiet mom of one has been much easier than I could have imagined.  My life is full.  My mind is stretched.  My character is growing.  I have to believe that my kids benefitted from this life change, too.  The last four years forced them to become a bit more independent.

I think about my college kids every day and look forward to our phone conversations, text messages, and emails.  I love to hear about what is going on in their lives and pray regularly for their safety and growth.  These thoughts don’t dominate me, though.  I am busy with complicated escrows, showing property, developing marketing ideas, completing real estate paperwork, and continuing my training.  I also have a busy high school daughter, a fantastic husband, three naughty dogs, and a house that needs continuous work and renovation.  I am right where I want to be!

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